Posted: 10/17/2008 in books, learning, life, parenting

oooh this is a touchy one…

my mom was constantly “reminding” us what was modest and what was NOT! 

we were not allowed out of the house with shorts shorter than our finger tips and that was a FIRM rule. 

knit tops have been questioned at times because  of their form fitting. 

jeans too tight…

v necks too low…

so growing up, i had rules and standards of how to dress. i honestly thought it was just to tick me off, but one day it hit me – oooh there is a valid reason for this. and it isn’t just to try to make me act out (i had such a horrible outlook as a teen! i’m so sad i added validation to the “typical” teen stereotype. i still believe it is avoidable.)

how can you deny immodesty’s affect?  

i’m a 24 year old male looking for a wife. it is not as easy as it seems to find a decent girl. i want one who not only says she is decent but looks as though she is. a friend of mine married one of the girls of the church. she wasn’t the most chaste dresser, but he was sure that once they were married she would sober up. she says she does not feel convicted about how she dresses, and he can only push so far to change her. i avoid him since he married, because i got aroused the whole time i was around them due to the way his wife dresses. it leaves me disgusted, frustrated and angry that a stupid, silly girl can cause so much trouble. sometimes i feel my own body betrays me, but i know i am a normal male with a normal need, and the problem lies with females dressing so godless. talk about dishonoring a man, all the rest of the younger females in church dress as bad or worse. i had rather not get married than end up with a silly wife like her. seeing jacob embarrassed by his wife scares the rest of us unmarried men, because, as much as we want to get married, we sure do not want to end up being dishonored as he has been. i want a girl who has not encouraged a thousand other guys to commit sight-adultery with her by how she dresses. i want a woman i can be proud to call my own little hidden treasure. how could a man ever trust a woman who, before she got married, “let it all hang out” for everyone to see? i guess the big question for me is, ho do we single mend find chaste girls to marry, girls who are not interested in how sexy they can dress?

james g.

created to be his helpmeet by debi pearl


as i think about how i dress and why i wear what i wear and i think about what i desire for my children (boys and girls) this hits home to me. 

you may think james is weak because he was affected by this and men should become immune to it because a girl has rights to wear what she wants. (the bible says that god is the head of man and man the head of woman –  so does she get to wear what she wants!?! 🙂 ) 

i know that i have ideas of what i think is modest and i believe i am a modest dresser. my husband has only said something once. and he asked me not to wear it to church. and i then asked him, if you don’t want me to wear it to church i shouldn’t own it!!!!!!! it blew my mind! at that point in our marriage he hardly spoke up about anything – so for him to do so about this; it must have been serious! i thought i was modest! i honestly did! i wear that top to clean the house now. how embarrassing for eric! i do not want him to be embarrassed by me! maybe your man is proud that the way you dress arouses other men! but that would be shameful to me! 

when i read this article this week; whooooo it really hit home to me! it really just made it all so clear to me.

my own convictions:

no shoulders showing (my husband has stated this is a peek of what is connected to my shoulder) 

no shorts (unless bermuda – knee length or longer)

no tight jeans

no vnecks without a shirt underneath to cut off the bottom tip of the v

no tight shirts (knit tops are currently under the microscope) 

mid length to longer skirts are a plus and will be worn as often as possible. (once i find a few that i like! some of these are newer standards – so shopping is in order!)

i think i honestly lived in denial! of course me wearing this would not do that to any man! and if it would, shame on that man for looking!!!! oh no! shame on me for wearing it!

i am guilty as charge!!

i am once again humbled and convicted.

i again am reminded to pray for my daughter, possible future son(s) and daughter(s).

  1. traci says:

    Hmmm… I think a guy can commit adultery starring at a blank wall(just how they’re wired), not to say women shouldn’t dress modest though. I think it looks much nicer dressing modest, more mature and I don’t have any desire for other guys to be looking at me, I’m married!!lol It would probably make it easier for guys if they didn’t have these temptations every where they look.

    Here’s going off of your convictions, because I am not creative enough at the moment to come up with all of mine on my own :-S

    no shoulders showing (my husband has stated this is a peek of what is connected to my shoulder) * I wear tank tops but revealing ones like spaghetti strap are too much I think…I think those should stay as undershirts. Maybe I wear ttops since I always wore them growing up and playing sports???idk. never gave it much thought

    no shorts (unless bermuda – knee length or longer) – my standards are pretty close except maybe 1 or 2 inches about knee also including athletic shorts

    no tight jeans- yuck!If I’m caught wearing tight jeans I must be gaining weight lol

    no vnecks without a shirt underneath to cut off the bottom tip of the v – i agree

    no tight shirts (knit tops are currently under the microscope) – my problem I have is if I want to wear a cute shirt it’s either going to be a little tight or it’s going to look like I threw a drape over me…it’s not easy finding perfect fitting shirts my size and ummm bust size lol!! I don’t think super tight shirts are acceptable though.

    mid length to longer skirts are a plus and will be worn as often as possible. (once i find a few that i like! some of these are newer standards – so shopping is in order!)- I agree on lengths although I hate wearing skirts and dresses, not for me!!

    ** I have to add
    – children should not be wearing bikinis, my sisters always think Phil & I are ridiculous with this rule, even as hand-me downs no way! The girls almost always have shorts under their dress unless we are at home playing.
    -bra straps showing are not cute, no matter what color they are..
    wow that was a long comment!:-S

  2. breanna says:

    thanks for your comment traci! nice to know i’m not too far off base! or i’m not alone on my far base! 😉

  3. Shonya says:

    hey, where were you today?! did you get my message on your phone that it was at my house instead of the park b/c of weather? I’m hoping you got that–we had a GREAT discussion on modesty–very convicting!
    and about the bikinis, i was raised not wearing even a ‘modest one piece’ think about it–would you be comfortable wearing it to walmart? if not, then why is it okay around men at the pool? talk about ‘far off base’! 🙂

  4. God's Gentle Nurturer says:

    Wow! Awesome post (and great comments as well)! Another thing to keep in mind is for me I have long legs so the shorts and skirts to the fingertip rule didn’t work. With my girls the rule is to the knees and NO HIGHER than an inch above. Anything else is just too short imho. I was always called awful things in high school because of my skirts that included the “to the fingertip” rule. Just another thing to note for us with daughters. 😀

  5. God's Gentle Nurturer says:

    “I think a guy can commit adultery starring at a blank wall(just how they’re wired)”

    I think this is all the more reason to dress modestly. 🙂

  6. breanna says:

    shonya – i emailed you… 🙂 i love your walmart thing!!!!!!!!
    god’s gentle nurture – i totally agree with you! it sure isn’t the guys’ fault! it just feels like god made them just the way he wanted them… and when we mess with that or try to make them immune, look what happens! viagra! it just seems like a horrible downward spiral.
    thanks for you comments!!

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