Archive for 03/06/2009

today

Posted: 03/06/2009 in family, life

so i was a bit overwhelmed this morning…

he he! i really thought i was overwhelmed then.

i blogged.

ate lunch.

waited for lizzie to nap, which she never decided to while we were home.

we left for kirksville to grocery shop.

arrived just fine.

pulled into the parking lot.

put the car in park.

look up.

the car is filling with smoke.

breanna jumps into emergency mode.

grabs the keys.

pulls lizzie out of carseat. (which was a task because she was asleep and her arms weren’t working properly so it was taking me double time to get her out of all those buckles. i was growing more and more uuuum freaked out!)

grabs the diaper bag after considering leaving it to explode with the car but realizes my phone is in there and this kinda of situation grows easier with a phone.

decide to risk the extra 10 secs by the car to grab the diaper bag.

i get it and GO!

it didn’t explode.

breath.

call eric. 

the car stopped filling with smoke a few min after we got out of it.

sounds like an electric “fire” but more like electrical wires burning badly…

it’s being towed here from kville this weekend. won’t know what is really wrong with it for a few days. 

i really don’t care what’s wrong with it.

i don’t think i’ll ever forget what it felt like to know, if i hadn’t managed to get lizzie out of the carseat in the needed amount of time, this was all on my shoulders for not getting her out and grabbing the keys before her or the diaper bag after getting her. i realize fully the car did NOT explode, but i did not know this at the time so the emotions were what they were, raw and the most difficult i’ve felt in my life. 

this is the first time i’ve had an emergency situation with my daughter. it was horrible! i am so grateful we are fine!

*i apologies to my sistas who will feel very out of loop when reading this. i barely got this convo out to mom so i decided not to put myself through saying this all out load again. i know you understand! cuz you are the bestest! 🙂

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overwhelmed

Posted: 03/06/2009 in house

i’m so overwhelmed this morning. 

it really feels like this is an impossible endeavor. 

tripling our cost for a roof over our heads without our income going up (our income actually went down since i “lost” my job) seems so impossible to still be able to eat. 

i had this figure in my head, we will survive if we don’t go over $_____. it looked alright on paper. was pushing our finances to the max but it seemed workable. well *clears throat* we are over that $_______ amount and i’m freaking out. 

alrighty, so you all know brea, she freaks out at EVERYTHING. honestly, and i’m not just being dramatic – i want to chuck all plans and start over. 

i wanted to achieve this concept of building/living within our means. HA! what is that anyway? is that paying all your bills and putting 1/10 in savings? is it simply not having any debt besides your home or the ideal situation – none at all. is it tithing more than a 1/10?? 

it feels like it is whatever we make it. 

sounds like we need to sit down and change where we tell our money to go. we have this amount and we’ve been spending it on this and this and this, those things have to go in order to achieve ________. for an unknown period of time – could be 30 yrs. (surely not! but i have to be willing to do that or we will start “spending more than we make”).