Archive for 03/26/2009

the high road

Posted: 03/26/2009 in spiritual growth

i think i’ve mentioned this already, i’m currently in a bible study studying the 15 psalms of ascent with beth moore in her “stepping up” study guide by lifeway.

it’s very good. 

i was doing my homework in the first lesson last tuesday and i was struck by something that will now be my goal and mission for this study. beth moore said, 

…but somewhere along the way we’ve got to quit getting in the mud with them. part of our ascent is learning to take the high road.

this hit home, hard! the high road, yep! it’s time. i’ve been ignoring this nagging feeling to deal with this long enough. it’s time. 

so what does that mean. what does the foundation look like? i’ve jumped up to the high road lots of times. i’d like to think i do that daily/weekly. i fall right through back into the mud though, almost every time. 

there has to be some sort of foundation or structure to hold me up. i’ll be living on the high road, not just visiting. i need some structure to hold me up permanently. oh i may trip, but i’m talking permanent residence not vacations when i’m feeling warm and fuzzy and think, “look i’m doing good!”

this weighs heavy on my mind all week. praying. thinking. 

tuesday comes and i go to bible study and confess my revelation/goals to my follow study-ers. it felt like to us, me, the whole entire lesson for this week is what i need to start building my structure to support this high road. i’m in awe. i’m overwhelmed. no backing out this time. 

one tip she mentions… when you’re going through a rough batch, 

move your mind up!

and you’ll be fine…

and,

we respond to what we say/sing…

when i’m really really ticked and all i want to do is yell at someone (i’ve improved on my own significantly since being married… but i can only improve so much myself…), i honestly need to make the tough decision and crank up the music and sing… (this is also why music that is bad can’t be tolerated… it’s our nature to respond to it.)

part of me is disappointed with these “taking the high road” instructions. then i stop and think why do i feel this way? and i realize, it’s because it’s not feeding my anger. it’s not gratifying. does that make sense? it’s really really hard. when i’m that angry and explosive, i only want to feed it and everything i do and say is feeding that feeling of exploding… it’s an addictive feeling. it really is a “high”. 

if it was easy then there wouldn’t be as great of a reward!

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