do you… a), b), or c)?

Posted: 04/02/2009 in spiritual growth

so i’ve been thinking this week… and today i can’t get it out of my head. i think that’s why there are toys covering the floor of every room and supper is still not prepared… 

if you really stop and think. 

if someone says something and you do not know them well or you do not consider them a dear friend, are you quicker to state your opinion on a controversial issue or less likely?

do you not state your opinion because you are afraid of offending them if you are not friends with them or more apt to state your opinion on a controversial issue if you are friends with them?

this is very interesting to me. 

all my life, i believe, i think the very opposite of the majority of people. 

if you are dear to me, i am more apt to state my thoughts/feelings/convictions on a controversial issue than if i didn’t know you… is this just me who does this? are you one who states your opinion to no one for fear of not keeping the peace? do you state it as gracefully as possible in your best efforts to keep the peace? do you say nothing, walking away feeling guilty for not saying the truth or how you really feel? i do all three of these things; yet not once feeling like one is “more right” than another… what are your thoughts???

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Comments
  1. simplyaltered says:

    I will chime in. As I may not express my views “quite” as much to a stranger (or casual acquaintance) as I might to someone I know well…….I am certainly also not one to keep my opinion all to myself and simply walk away, or remain silent in a conversation. This sometimes does find trouble for me, but usually it is worth it. 🙂 . Not too straight of an answer huh?? 🙂

  2. Chelsea says:

    This all depends on my mood.. We’ve had some friends attacking us thinking we dont know what the best is for us.. this.. really made me boil and THISCLOSE to blowing up at them.. 🙂 Lets just say, we dont hang out anymore..
    With my family, i’m very open or maybe I should say blunt with my opinions and of course they are blunt right back at me.. 🙂 thats how family is right? lol
    Friends, some knows about our lifestyle and respects that but if they are curious to know more about it then i’ll answer them but otherwise I just keep it to myself. Not really the type that likes conflicts so I find its best for me to keep it on the DL. I couldn’t even tell my close friends about my homebirth before Kylie was born..Thats how nervous I was about a.)them attacking me b.)keeping a close eye on me and call for help(lol) c.)think i’ve gone nuts! Sometimes I’m in the mood to blog about controversial issues but afraid to get a rise out of it.. maybe one of these days i’ll blog about “Whats bugging Chelsea”, I’ll even title it that way.. lol.. AND add a disclaimer at the end of the blog.. 😉

  3. If it’s in person, I’m pretty likely to let you know I disagree, but hopefully in a nice, it’s ok that we don’t agree kind of way! But, probably not in a blog or something, unless it was a really big deal to me. They can always delete the comment if you really want to send it.

  4. Traci says:

    That’s a good question, but I don’t have an exact answer. lol Let’s see with my mom and oldest sister I usually speak my mind and they know to take it with a grain of salt if they want. My other sister a radiologist, I’m more reserved since we’ve had our rounds. We just agree to mind our own business:) It’s hard too! My real close friends from childhood, I tend to just not say anything… unless they ask or if I know they’re open minded. I love my friends too much to lose them over personal choices. My church friends, I TRY to keep to myself esp. if I know certain ppl are overly medical. BUT there are a couple others like me (yay!) at church so I’m always getting curious/help questions from everyone. I usually try to explain but I try not to get too in depth… usually for MY sake. Strangers… I don’t even bother unless someone is really urking me or they say they’ll try anything. 🙂 Told you I didn’t have much of an answer.

  5. Shonya says:

    Wow, your blogs are making me think this week! I. . . (thinking, let me see. . .) I think it depends. How’s that for a non-answer! LOL It depends on the issue, it depends on the person, it depends on my mood, it depends on whether they asked for my opinion or were just casually talking. I’m pretty opinionated, and I’m pretty confident (I know, really I’m just obnoxiously sure I’m right–character flaw!), so I’m not afraid to share my beliefs and I honestly don’t care if others don’t agree (I don’t mean this in a snotty way, just that I don’t tend to need a lot of validation from others for my convictions/opinions).

    But on the other hand, I believe in respect–so if there seems nothing to gain, if I’m relatively sure it will hurt someone or cause problems and gain nothing–then I see no reason to open my big mouth. If someone asks me outright, I will answer truthfully and as tactfully as I can. But sometimes, people are just talking with and around me and I have a different opinion, but it doesn’t seem necessary to share my opinion at that moment, you know? I don’t feel guilty for that, I just don’t think it was the right time/place/situation to share b/c it wouldn’t be well-received and would benefit no one.

    And what is a ‘controversial issue’? Abortion? I will open my mouth every time–God has answered that one clearly and it’s not about opinions. Homeschooling? Who I voted for as president? Whether my daughter will date when she’s 14? More on the opinion side. Don’t think my personal ideas and practices are any less strong, but I’m not going to walk up to someone whose 14 yod is dating and tell them what I would think of *MY* daughter doing that. If they ask, I will gently share, yes, but if not. . .what’s the point? What good will it do?

    Good question! Nice introspection today!

  6. Shonya says:

    LOL I think I need to stop commenting on your blogs! You get me thinking and I just go off rambling and write a post of my own!! Sorry about that! 🙂

  7. jenifriend says:

    this is a great question.

    before i became a christian i was a practicing buddhist. while thankful i have found God, one of the things i am grateful for learning in that time is the need to be expressive of my opinion only when it’s been requested. when i am in a conversation and someone expresses their opinion about something i don’t agree with and can potentially be a controversial topic, i always ask, “would you like to hear my opinion or were you just wanting to make a statement?” if they say they were “just talking out loud” i refrain from saying anything. if they open up the door to my opinion, i express it. it can be difficult at times, i’ll admit, to keep my mouth shut. but i do think it’s important for us to all find humility in expressing ourselves just because we feel we are right. from the other persons perspective they also believe they are right. there are times when i don’t want to hear others opinions because i believe that i am right in my beliefs…i try to maintain that understanding even in the most uncomfortable of situations because, although i can’t agree, i do find value in learning the ‘why’s’ behind why others believe the way they do.

    i don’t want you all to misunderstand that i believe in staying quiet all of the time. there are times when i feel my beliefs are being attacked or an opinion is being expressed in a way to belittle the opposing view. it is during those times when i do say something.

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