Archive for the ‘learning’ Category

friends

Posted: 04/26/2011 in learning, life, spiritual growth

in this season of my life i’m evaluating friends.

most of mine are over an hour away and we all keep touch on a daily basis through facebook and email. we do a lot of the same crafting and with our same ups and downs in life and like-mindedness either spiritually or family care, i could see us all spending so much more time together if we all lived closer to each other.

this causes me to mourn the depth these relationships could go to, but because we are long distance they just can’t go that deep. most days, i’m ok with this. and i realize these friends live in osky, dm, maine, ks, ottumwa, lancaster . . .  i can’t live every where, so i have to find peace and be thankful for what i do have!

with our closest local friends moving away in 3 weeks – this brings this issue up to the surface in a new light.

i once again find myself praying continuously through out the day for one more thing, dear friends that live HERE. i prayed this for 5 years, and got it for one year. i’m so very thankful! it’s worth the effort… i can not hide that it is discouraging to be alone again.

BUT i have realized one thing that i didn’t realize before when i was praying for this for 5 years. a lot of this has to do with me – more so than i realized. we have friends that we just click with on a spiritual level (similar minded spiritually and learn from the scripture the same way), we have friends that naturally take care of their family the same way, eat the same way, we have friends that we have known forever that have just always been there … each of these are priceless. then you have the friendship that just clicks, on a deeper level. you don’t know why or how. it just works. it’s effortless and it just is. this type of relationship is simply such a blessing. it’s emotionally freeing. you can just be with these people…

now this part i didn’t realize before. driving people away… sure, boundaries are good. we must keep negative people at arms length, etc. etc. that aside, if i sit here and i drive people away by not answering the phone when they seek me out, by not reaching out to them and helping them with what they are trying to do, by not taking the first step in helping them go through this crazy life, then why would anyone feel comfortable coming to me? they don’t. i don’t blame them. i can’t blame them.

my conclusion.

here we are. doing life together. the best way we know how. each of us needs cut a little slack…. i have made so many mistakes when it comes to relationships in the last 10 years, it’s horribly embarrassing. in the last 6 months this has been so present in my mind… changes have been made.  God has really been working on me especially in the area of compassion and pointing out my flaws.

as dear friends leave this area and turn into another long distant relationship, i look forward to making new friends and deepening the relationships i have ruined or kept at arms length. what a humbling place to be.

Proverbs 17:17
friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

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my skin is itching.
it’s time.
i can’t take it anymore….
i’ve reached a breaking point.
either explode or retract.
i want to run to what i know,
what feels most comfortable.
where i am wanted by ALL.
respected by all.
seen as a human,
with feelings.
and desires.
and not a young bimbo.
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 timothy 4:12

tough stuff.
i’m reminded today…
it’s NOT about me,
it’s about HIM.
about bringing Him glory,
honor,
and praise.

and i am committed to
doing just that…
in all that i do.

am i the one that when the going gets tough,
i dart?
i don’t want to be that person.
but it seems hopeless.
pointless.
stupid.
what do you think of the man who stands there and takes a beating?
do you think,
defend yourself
or
stand firm
or
turn and run?

i’m not a turn and run kinda gal.
i’m a stick-it-out-to-the-death,
will sacrifice relationships,
kinda gal.
i think that’s wrong.
i ruin relationships and in turn cause others to stumble.
WRONG!
do i skip to turn and run then?
or maintain at the stand firm stage?
if it were up to me, i’d play dead (wait til they aren’t looking) and RUN!!!!!!

today i am letting the simplicity of psalm 55:22 to settle in my soul and bask in it’s security and hope.

Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.

prayer

Posted: 03/29/2010 in learning, me, spiritual growth

so i’ve been mulling this over now for well over a year. it’s so huge i don’t think i’ll ever arrive at a destination. it’s one of those things that God is so huge, i only get an ounce of a concept because that’s all my peabrain can handle.

i used to pray with the idea that no matter what as long as i prayed about it, it would come out like i expected/hoped/believed.

praying for the rain to stop last spring/summer – well that didn’t go over well. praying for some health issues – well those didn’t just simply go away without serious effort from many… you are getting my drift right?! my prayer life wasn’t exactly what i think God wanted it to be. my prayers were driven by selfish motive. a genie in a bottle kind of expectation. i honestly justified it. thinking, i know the sunday school answers, but what i’m praying for is for the greater good. and why would He not want to answer them. they are just so obviously needing answered and in the way i’ve thought up, cuz that’s just obviously the most perfect way. riiiiiiiiight.

instead of evaluating my prayer life and adapting it to what God wanted it to be. i was so fed up and exasperated i just stopped praying all together. who wants to talk to a brick wall? this is what it felt like anyway. but by my own doing. i knew this even at the time. but was so ticked i didn’t even want to attempt to reconcile this part of my life.

along side this, we aren’t attending church. we aren’t involved at.all. we aren’t considered regular attenders anymore by any means. regular tithers. regular crusaders. the go-to couple, we were before. nothing. this allowed me to really look at this part of life in a whole different way. a lot of things bothered me. eric and i talked about it A LOT! feeling like we were never coming to any conclusions by the end of the looooong conversations. just seemed like an on-going problem that would never be resolved. seriously. and no church is excempt from these problems. so going to a different church really didn’t/doesn’t feel like any sort of solution. yet swooping in and attempting to turn it upside really is NOT the way to go. 🙂  a given for some, not a given for trail blazers. 🙂 we tend to plow now, think later. not cool. there is a place for me, but i need to know my place.

january comes along. i have this moment that is completely God. not me. didn’t happen through prayer. but a moment that slammed me upside the head and is one of those moments you just can’t run from. and it just so happened to be the solution to both of my issues. WOW! it was just one of those moments. you know what i’m talking about? it was the result of obeying, from the outside, would seem like a simple task. the fruit of obedience still overwhelms me. this experience showed me that praying scripture over situations is the way to go. not telling myself over and over again something positive (joel osteen/ joyce meyer kinda junk – i’m talking john macarthur, j. vernon mcgee stuff!) or simply ignoring the negative things going on around me. but acknowledging the problem. knowing i can’t do a thing about it, or if i can, i will do what i can. but then it’s not me. it’s God. and it’s beyond me. i’m not talking about praying for a parking space. i’m talking about praying for someone’s soul or praying against strongholds. or physically fighting wrong, flat out wrong belief systems.

ok a whole novel and you are thinking, where in the world is she going with this?

i guess i want to ask you what you think. not your sunday school answers. but your well thought out, soul searching deep, answer.

do you pray for others when they ask you to? do you intercede in a true, deep, on your knees crying out kind of way sometimes? and other times just a simple, “God you know the need…” kind of way? do you feel guilty when it’s the later and not the former?

do you think that praying for say, a sickness to go away is something that is done successfully and if so, how? how often is it a result of an action we took (side effects from a vaccine, exposed to a virus from someone else, food dye, pork, etc.)? in this case we would be begging for mercy for something we brought on ourselves. (bad example maybe, but i honestly can’t think of another right now… OH! i just thought of one, say starting to build a house in spring – rainy season vs waiting until july and having to fight the rain until july all the while praying and complaining for it to stop raining on us and ruining all our plans… it’s like WOW! the world is bigger than you and the rain can’t just stop and start at every individual’s needs.)

how do you pray for health? pray for a healthy baby? but this world is a sin-filled world. it’s not heaven. so we will have unhealthy children. disabled  children. hardships. things we wish we wouldn’t have to deal with. things our children didn’t have to deal with. but disabilities or not. do you attempt to pray those hardships away? when we know full well, there is no real solution but heaven. and each hardship CAN be or COULD be used for God’s glory. so in praying for these situations to be eliminated, i’m praying for one less opportunity for God’s glory to shine. well that doesn’t seem right. but i don’t think he causes hardships to bring Glory to him. i believe that sin or this world CAN be used by him. but not caused by him.

so tell me, how do you pray? what do you pray for? what does it look like to you?

me personally, i’m sticking with praying scripture. this is something i’ve not done often. and i think this may just be the perfect place for me right now in this very confusing time for me. a dear friend of mine was so excited to hear this above journey – seeing the refining process and what is happening thrilled her. me, not so much. it’s uncomfortable and i don’t like feeling this confused. i do see the benefit of it. i do see the progress being made by this refining. but still so very unsure of myself. i feel like a calf trying to stand up for the first time. very vulnerable. so if you are wondering why i can’t get through signing a song. or expressing myself when you ask me how i’m really REALLY truly doing – you just might get tears instead of gushing about a house or some earthly thing, you might just get the soul deep stuff. the stuff that comes from singing and truly meaning this:

(click the photo and then click “we will worship you”)

“you are our only hope. for all we have to lose is our very soul. save us from these comforts. break us of our need for the familiar. spare us any joy that’s not of you. and we will worship you”

did i seriously cry almost everyday that i was pregnant last time?

no.

i don’t think so.

i would remember.

in the final days.

oh you betcha.

this chick cried every morning (cuz i hadn’t gone into labor during the night).

and every night (cuz i hadn’t gone into labor during the day).

for 4 weeks this went on.

but the beginning.

no way.

good grief!

we weren’t building a house when i was pregnant with lizzie.

life was pretty calm.

uneventful.

drama was church drama which was minor and silly.

so circumstances are different this time.

but still, everyday!?!

oh i hope this stops soon!

 

today we went to work with eric and spent the day at “auntie color’s” house. (my sister heather) we had a blast! lizzie and gena were bff’s! when this happened. i do not know! lizzie used to be intimidated by gena. they would steal each other’s toys and just not get a long superbly! today, a whole nother story! it was SO fun to watch them giggle together! lizzie has grown up so much! we were planning to do her 2 year pictures today but pregnant momma can’t think at 5am and forgot literally half or more pieces of each of the outfits but the one sweat pant outfit i thought she could wear before/after pictures. thankfully, i brought those. brother! maybe next time. 🙂

lizzie was not ready to leave all the fun. and when asked, “are you ready to go home?” she replied, “no.” *sigh* she left without a fight. although it was obvious to all she was very bummed. we pulled into the driveway and as soon as she realized we were home, she started crying this horrible pitiful cry. heartbreaking. i asked if she was ready to go inside and she said, “no house. no house. no house.” i just turned around in the driver’s seat and cried myself. “me neither, lizzie. me neither.”

did i expect living in a basement to be hard. yes. i did. how hard. one never knows until it’s too late.

5hjpfS

i got this in a forward today from an old friend…

i can’t get over it.

click the link below to check it out yourself or read what i’ve copied and pasted…

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/youscareme.asp

Dear President Obama,

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don’t understand it at its core.

You scare me because you lack humility and ‘class’, always blaming others.

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the ‘blame America’ crowd and deliver this message abroad.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

You scare me because you prefer ‘wind mills’ to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.

You scare me because you have begun to use ‘extortion’ tactics against certain banks and corporations.

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O’Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

Lou Pritchett


{sowing&reaping}

Posted: 03/17/2009 in learning, spiritual growth

this week we have a guest speaker at our church, ben merold. i’m so impressed by him.

last night ben preached 6 laws of nature. 

6 laws of nature

1. we reap what we sow. 

2. we reap  more than what we sow. 

3. we reap later what we sow. 

4. ignorance of what you sow is no excuse. 

5. you have to sow in your area of need. 

6. you have to sow everything in order to reap something. 

this was huge to me. yes i knew this. but had i ever really really thought about it? nope! 

check it.

1) if you plant/sow corn, you’ll reap corn. that’s a given right. 

2) farmers, get this concept. of course the driving force to sow is for the reaping. 

3) so i expect that whatever i sow will be reaped fairly soon from the sowing, nope, it’s whenever God wants it to be. it’s not the first sunday of everything month or whenever we deem it to be time. 

4) all this technology and having all these resources at our fingertips may have a down fall or two; we are now responsible with the stuff we learn or the knowledge we have. we can’t play the “ignorance” card. 

5) so say my area of need is money. if i don’t sow in the area of money (giving money), i will not reap in the area of money! he told a story of a lady who was very poor and said she never was given money. and he asked her if she ever gave money and she said she never had much to give… -give a little then…

today i decided i wanted to do some researching. 

i can’t fix what i’d like to fix. 

i can’t do anything about it. 

but i can educate myself as much as possible so i can make informed decisions for myself and my family. 

this is very intriguing. 

statistics are unreal. 

this cycle must stop.

this just can’t be. 565,650 deaths in 2008 from cancer is too high. what is going on? 

we’re missing something.

have to be.

please know, i  mean well. please do not become offended by any of my words or research. i'm simply on a journey 
of figuring this out. i'm not judging anyone or pointing fingers. i'm just doing what i like to do, researching 
and learning. i'm documented it here for my future references, for my children's future reference, and just in 
case it is of some assistance to someone who needs it.  

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